Weird stuff happens on the job sometimes.
Maybe He Had a Big Night Planned: Is that a Monster energy drink in your pocket, Seamus, or are you just happy to see me? A store clerk in Oak Forest told police he caught Seamus P. Scanlan, 21, leaving the store with two Monster energy drinks in his pants — and four packages of Extenze penis enlargement pills — on Jan. 7. Scanlan was charged with retail theft. On Oak Forest Patch
Swisher Unsweets: "Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar," said Groucho Marx. And so it's entirely justified that a man would fly into an inconsolable rage upon learning that a Mobil gas station in Chicago Heights was out of his favorite cigar. So distraught was he, the man attacked a rack of candy and pushed it to the floor. After the clerk took down his license plate number, the man and a companion stormed back into the gas station, leapt the counter and threatened to beat the clerk unless he turned over the paper with the plate number written on it. The clerk complied, but remembered the number long enough to tell cops. On Chicago Heights Patch
Granny Needs Some TLC: A 61-year-old woman in desperate need of a massage on Aug. 7 was told there were no available appointments at Massage Envy in the Brookside Marketplace shopping center in Tinley Park. She reacted much as anyone would whose muscles are all knotted up with stress. She left in a huff and told the Massage Envy clerk on her way out "you will not live much longer." The woman denied making any death threats and said the employee was rude to her. A criminal trespassing warning was issued to her. On Tinley Park Patch
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