Aftermath of a Dream

The Dream Day meticulously planned and executed by Laurie Green of Good Girls Give was a wonderful experience for Juliana. She first received some workout clothing provided by American Apparel and a plaque stating that she was an honorary board member of Good Girls Give foundation for a full year. I wasn’t sure how she was going to take that information but she seemed really proud of it and made it part of the list of things she told people about her overall experience. We then drove for 2 ½ hours to Peoria, Illinois, though Juliana had no idea where we were going or why, only that she got to miss therapy for two days. 

When the bus pulled up in front of the Peoria Civic Center to expose the large ‘Wicked’ banner on the side of the building, her previously calm demeanor elevated to trembling excitement and we all watched and waited for what would come next.  My anxiety was already on the backburner because every other time Juliana went to see Wicked (6 other times) it was met with its own dose or two of drama.  Before I go forward, let me take you back....

The first time Juliana saw Wicked was when it came to Chicago in 2005. My brother Joe arranged for VIP tickets for 25 people to include a VIP lounge with beverages and appetizers.  The seats were fourth row and the energy in our group was palpable. Since my brother had seen it on Broadway (maybe even more than once by this time), he had come back home with such an enthusiasm for the production that we were all hooked as well. In the months leading up to the show, the music was already memorized by all of us and we each owned a T-shirt he had selected for us specifically.  Since this was right about the time when Juliana and Chris were developing an idea for their mutual musical dreams, this was most awaited for by Juliana. In typical "Juli style," her anticipation became the infection that we all caught.  Then it became as much about ‘Juliana is seeing Wicked’ as it did allowing all of us to see it. 

The night arrived and Juliana and Chris were running late. Not just a little late for the pre-show festivities ... tearfully late, literally. I spent the whole ‘VIP time’ on the phone with them simultaneously directing them to the Oriental Theater in Chicago and calming Juliana so she didn’t hyperventilate. When it came time for the performance to begin and they still had not arrived, we took our seats, silenced our phones and crossed our fingers. The opening number began as the doors were sealed shut and I hesitated enjoying it out of loyalty to her desires. We were all distracted by their empty seats and knowing how horrible Juliana must be feeling.  The first song ended and I watched my dramatically traumatized daughter and her boyfriend being led by flashlight into the darkened theater to their seats. We were all a little surprised that they let them come in after the performance was already underway but saw her tear-stained face and remembered that Juliana had a way of drawing you in. I doubt the usher could have resisted her if he tried. I consoled her and assured her she missed very little and she settled in to enjoy the show. By intermission she was sobbing once again, this time overcome with the emotion of how much she loved the show. Her experience was physical and that play was pivotal for her. We all loved it, but loved it even more for how much Juliana loved it. Her enthusiasm carried through to everyone else she talked to as she encouraged as many people as she could to go see it. Over the remainder of its Chicago run, she gave tickets to different people as "the perfect gift" and sometimes went along to watch them watch it.  When she bought tickets to take her dad she was almost as excited to watch him experience it as she was experiencing it all over again. It impacted her so much she had tattooed on her arm, "Defy Gravity."  Who could know how ironic those words would become. 

That was 2005….

Here in 2011, the experience bridged the gap for me between two highly emotional times. There were certain similarities through the emotional toll the show would take this time yet again. We nearly missed the opening curtain call due to a much-needed bathroom break and I couldn’t help but wonder what spell this play had on our lives. We didn’t, thankfully, and I concerned myself with making sure Juli watched it happily and comfortably, much like the first time. As the first act came to a close with the song ‘Defying Gravity’ Juliana sat there singing as loud as she could, still moved by the theatrics. The rest of us watched her and cried for it. The gratitude I had to Laurie for making this happen was evident and we shared a very knowing look of mutual appreciation. Her tears belied how much giving this to Juliana meant to her as well.  As the lights came up Juliana said, “I want to talk to someone who hasn’t seen it yet.” Even in this state, she was still interested in evaluating the impact this show had on others. It was magical. So many songs from the show have had an impact on our lives, so many lines from the songs have marked our feelings for each other at different times and seeing the performance this time held even more significance after all we have been through. The story itself is about being changed and perceptions and assumptions and this Dream Day for Juliana was falling right in her time of awakening. For that reason, among so many others, it made an impression on me that will never go away. 

After the performance (OK, and all during it) Juliana wanted to know where and when we would eat dinner. Having made her wait since breakfast, I wasn’t surprised that this was a distraction for her. However the surprises weren’t quite over.  Laurie Green had arranged for a meet-and-greet with both "Glinda the Good Witch" and "Elphaba the Wicked Witch." She got a tour of the stage and a chance to hear some of the details that go into such an elaborate touring performance.  As she met the witches a smile crept over her face that stayed for the better part of the next hour. It was sweet and endearing and again had us all tearing up. She met them eagerly and offered her now typical greeting of “I was on American Idol” and “Steven Tyler kissed me” to anyone who would listen: Two statements that until two months ago she was disinterested to acknowledge. This funny girl thinks this is brand new information to them when they quickly followed up with “We know” amidst soft laughter and smiles she offers a small, “oh” eliciting even more silent giggles. Dinner was nice, too, as Juliana was winding down from the excitement and activity. After her second dessert we checked into the Mark Twain hotel (beautiful folks, I really recommend it) and settled into a calm and peaceful night.  The next day we went to breakfast and then headed home on the luxurious bus provided by Masters Transportation. Everything seemed right with the world. 

The next few days were filled with the emotion of Chris’s return the flurry of Internet noise with many people’s opinions of us. The result of it all was powerfully comforting, the reaction was overwhelming love and joy. Sure there were questions, all completely legitimate, but mostly there was support for the journey and decision we each had to make. It is important that you know that your response was not lost on Juliana. It was profound. I read to her until she fell asleep to which she replied that she was glad that she talked about it. Now we begin our plans on how to make a difference. Stay tuned for that.

Yesterday Juliana had a successful surgery on her right ankle, (without any of the previous medical theatrics thank goodness) and we are hoping this will lead to two usable feet. Stay tuned for that as well. That is certainly the plan but even a planner like me is powerless to this injury. Today Juliana and Chris enjoyed a lunch date where she impressed him with her increasing prowess at feeding herself without much mess.  t was bound to happen once we let it all go. This weekend Chris, Juliana and Chris's mom, Gloria (along with help from Nikki) will go to a family wedding out of town and it marks the first time that Juliana will go away without me. I have gone away myself but never has she left and I stay home.  It is a bit scary to lose to relinquish that oversight but I can allow it because I trust the abilities of individuals in charge: Chris is an extremely devoted fiancé, Gloria is highly qualified nurse, and Nikki is a completely familiar caregiver. I have every reason to relax but I seem to have lost that ability a couple of years ago. ... Sigh.  I will just have to pack for her smartly and wait for updates along the way.  I am sure there will be pictures a-plenty! 

READ:  Where it all began, in For Juliana: Almost to the Almost, One Penny at a Time, by Janet Spencer Barnes.